The Skeleton

During my first few months at seminary, my friend Mike and I worked in a deli that was run by a spiky-haired woman named Mary. Upon hiring us, she remarked, "You’re Baptists, I'm a lesbian. Let’s not have any shit about it." Little did she know that it was our moral fiber that would soon become an issue, not hers.

At first, everything went smoothly. Mary proved to be almost motherly to me, Mike and a local teen named Simon who worked our shift. She often fretted, "You boys are too damn skinny," despite the 6-lb sandwiches we inhaled on a regular basis.

But the good feelings evaporated around Halloween. Mary decorated the place with gusto—hanging fake cobwebs and taping up large cardboard figures of pumpkins and skeletons. Unfortunately, her festive mood faded when she had to fire Simon for cursing at a customer. And when Mike and I showed up for work the next day, Mary had gone from sad to angry.

"Turns out that Simon was one sick kid," she said. "Come see what he did." With hesitant steps, Mike and I followed Mary into the back room, scarcely able to imagine what affront to common decency we were about to behold. Turning the corner, we saw one of the cardboard skeletons fixed to the door of Mary's office. One bony hand had been raised aloft, and all the fingers were neatly trimmed away--save one.

We tried not to laugh; we really did. But it was all too much—the skeleton’s glowing eyes and sly grin, the one arm dangling loosely with the other raised in casual defiance. We just couldn’t help ourselves. And as Mike and I fought to regain our composure, Mary’s wounded cries rose above the hysteria. "Simon gives me the finger, and you think it's funny? You’ll never make it as ministers!"

Maybe it would have all blown over if Mary hadn’t caught Mike and me imitating the skeleton later that day. It’s hard to say, really. As it was, her disappointment with us lingered in the air until Mike and I moved on to other jobs. Simon’s behavior was more or less expected, but Mary had hoped for more from her seminarians.

Sometimes, I still feel bad about the whole thing. But, dammit, that skeleton was funny.