Epilogue

About 4 years ago, I started writing a book about my spiritual journey, and by draft #3, it was obvious that the heart of the story was the 3+ years I spent at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary. Certainly, the funniest stories emerged from those years, so I began cutting my manuscript down to a series of tales about my life as a Baptist seminarian in Marin County—material that forms the basis of this blog.

And now we’ve reached the end of the story. Sure, I could carry on with more recent anecdotes, but I have concluded once again that it is best to limit my musings to those few seminary years that shaped all the rest. Which means that this blog has run its course. But before I sign off, it seems only fair to offer a brief epilogue that tells the rest of the story—at least in part.

After graduating from seminary, Mimi and I remained in Marin to continue serving the churches that had become home to us, and I kept working at the environmental company to make ends meet. Eventually, Mt. Tam and BayMarin merged (under the latter name), and after a new senior pastor arrived on the scene, the church entered a period of steady growth.

Within 3 years, Mimi and I had two daughters, and I had joined the staff of BayMarin as an assistant pastor. For the next 6 years, I led the small group ministry (ironically), preached occasionally, and helped the church launch a transitional housing program for single mothers. But I also continued to struggle with some basic questions, such as whether the resources devoted to high quality musical/video presentations should have been channeled to ministries like the housing program. (Or to pastors’ salaries. One of the two.)

Sensing a fresh start was required, we moved north to Sonoma County to start a new church with some other BayMarin families, and I also became executive director of the housing program—now a stand-alone entity. The new congregation got off to a good start, and on the outside, everything seemed fine.

Internally, though, I felt increasingly torn. Maybe it was the new surroundings or some midlife deal, but for the first time, I gave myself permission to reexamine my faith from the ground up—no holds barred. And I soon realized that the professional ministry is a poor context for such a process. So, long story short, after 2 years I left the ministry and found another job in the environmental field.

That was over 5 years ago, and while the reexamination process is probably not complete, I do feel more settled as a person. My views have changed considerably, though the process has not been as simple as replacing Belief A with Belief B or Position X with Position Y. In fact, the biggest change of all may be my growing disinterest in having the right answers—the settled, orthodox theology I can cling to forevermore.

Of course, if you’ve read this far, you’ve probably already figured some of this out already. So I’ll simply close by thanking you for coming along for the ride. I hope you had a few laughs along the way, if nothing else.